


Pick Up

by didntwanderstillgotlost



Series: AU Where They Learned How to Translate Their Thoughts into Words Like Adult Humans [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Castiel and Dean Winchester Use Their Words, Coda, Episode: s15e03 The Rupture, Fix-It, M/M, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-16
Updated: 2019-12-16
Packaged: 2021-02-26 04:41:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21817573
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/didntwanderstillgotlost/pseuds/didntwanderstillgotlost
Summary: I was at work listening to music and "Pick Up" by Dierks Bentley came on. I started crying and had to write this.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Series: AU Where They Learned How to Translate Their Thoughts into Words Like Adult Humans [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1571155
Kudos: 41





	Pick Up

**Author's Note:**

> I was at work listening to music and "Pick Up" by Dierks Bentley came on. I started crying and had to write this.

Two days. Dean waited two days before he called Cas. And it was two days too long. He never should’ve let the angel walk out. Now he was listening to Cas’s voicemail message for the fifteenth time that morning. He chugged his seventh cup of whiskey-laced coffee and dialed again. When Cas’s voicemail kicked in again he threw his phone across the kitchen. It hit the wall, shattering as it slid to the floor. His empty coffee cup wasn’t far behind it. And then the empty whiskey bottle.

He scrubbed his hand over his face and walked into the library. Everything hurt. He hadn’t slept since that night. Cas’s broken expression haunted him. His words echoed in his head like a bad song he couldn’t forget no matter how hard he tried. He leaned on one of the tables, trying to catch his breath. Even breathing hurt. With every inhale, he was reminded off all the things he’d ever said and done to Cas that the angel didn’t deserve. He could feel tears slipping down his cheeks and not for the first time.

Sam had stopped trying to talk to him a day and a half ago. Dean didn’t blame him. He was volatile. They had lost so much, they always lost so much, but he never thought he would lose Cas. And certainly not because of his own stupidity. Cas was always there, thick and thin, good times and bad, and Dean had pushed him away. He had a habit of doing that, but he always came back. Not this time. Dean was sure of that.

He got a grip on himself enough to walk to his room. He stopped and looked at Cas’s door. Right next to his. So many missed opportunities. So many words never said. He opened the door and went in. It was virtually empty, but that wasn’t much of a surprise. The only thing Dean could see was a small stack of papers on the desk. He went over and picked them up. Not papers, pictures. Mostly of Jack, some of Sam and Dean, and one that Dean had thought he would never see again.

When Dean had first explained the concept of taking pictures, Cas had given him that signature confused head tilt that Dean never admitted he found adorable. After that, they had spent the better part of the afternoon taking pictures. The only one that had turned out decent was one Dean had taken of the both them. They were both smiling like idiots, deliriously happy just from spending the day together. At least, Dean had been. He tucked the picture into his pocket for safe keeping.

The only other thing on the desk was the mixtape. Wrapped around it with a rubber band was a note. Dean swallowed before picking it up. He unwrapped in carefully. Like he was defusing a bomb, which was exactly how it felt. He unfolded the paper. Cas’s near-perfect handwriting stared back at him.

_Dean. I didn’t understand why you wanted me to keep this. I don’t enjoy music the way humans do and I didn’t want to offend you, but I didn’t know what to do with it. I understand now. Sam explained it to me. You are man of very few words, and the words you do use tend to be angry or have a double meaning. This tape was a gift, but not the kind you give a brother or a friend. This meant something different and I want you to know that I feel the same. I’ll wait for you to be ready to say it with words before I do, if you ever get to that point, but your feelings aren’t unrequited. They never were._

Dean didn’t realize he was crying until a tear dripped onto the paper. He sniffed and wiped his eyes. Cas loved him. Or he had at one point anyway. Those feelings had probably long since been replaced with anger and resentment. He left the mixtape on the desk and went into his own room. Still clutching the note, he dug around in his nightstand for one of his many spare phones. He finally came up with one that wasn’t dead and dialed Cas’ number.

“Hello?”

“Cas, it’s Dean, don’t hang up.”

“Why?”

“Because you were right. Kinda. I never should’ve said you were dead to me. I never should’ve blamed you for Mom’s death. I know it wasn’t your fault. I was angry and I lashed out and there’s nothing I can ever do to make it better, but I need you here. Not because of what you can or can’t do for me, but because I feel it when you’re gone. There’s an empty space that I can’t fill no matter how hard I try. I’m not asking you to forgive me, hell I’m not even asking you to like me, I’m just asking you to be here. Fighting the good fight with me and Sammy. I just need you here.” The silence after was so long Dean had to check to make sure he hadn’t been hung up on.

“Dean, you always say that actions speak louder than words. You can tell me everything I want to hear, but it won’t make a difference if you continue to treat me like a tool.” Dean blinked back another wave of tears.

“I know. I know how bad I screwed this up, but if you can’t come back for me then come for Sam. Come back so we can avenge all the people we lost. Jack, Mom, Rowena, Ketch. All of them. Just come back. You don’t have to even acknowledge me if you don’t want to. I just need you.” Dean was going to avoid saying those three words if he could help it. He didn’t want Cas thinking he only said it to get him back. He wanted to say it face to face. The second silence was even longer than the first.

“I will talk to Sam.” With that, the line went dead. Dean didn’t know what that meant. Was Cas going to call Sam? Was he going to come back and only talk to Sam?

Dean got his answer six grueling hours later when Sam walked into his room. He took off his headphones.

“Catch a case?”

“No, Dean, I talked to Cas.” Dean sat upright.

“Is he coming back?”

“Yes, but I suggest you don’t talk to him until he’s ready. He’s really hurt.”

“I know. I’m an idiot.”

“No argument here,” Sam sat in Dean’s chair, “but I think you guys can work through this. It’s gonna take time and a lot of communication, but I think it’ll be okay.”

“It’ll never be okay, Sam. I told him he was dead to me. How can that ever be okay? For as long as I live, I will never be able to take that back.”

“I don’t have advice for you. You’ll have to talk to Cas when he’s ready to talk.”

* * *

Three weeks. That’s how long it took Cas to talk to Dean. And Dean took it because it was enough just to have Cas around. Then one night, after a particularly bad hunt, Cas came into Dean’s room.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’ve had worse.” Dean rolled the shoulder Sam had popped back into place for him. It hurt a little, but it was manageable.

“You certainly have.” Cas reached his hand out, but Dean stopped him.

“Please don’t.”

“You don’t want me to heal you?”

“No. Just...stay with me for a little while. I mean, if you want to.” Cas stared at Dean for a long moment before sitting on the edge of the bed. “I wanted to say that I’m sorry. I know it’s too little way too late, but I am. And I know I’ll have to prove that to you. I will. I wanna earn your trust back, even if I can’t earn your love back.” Cas looked at him again. “I found the note you left with the mixtape. I know that even though you did love me once, I’ve done more than enough to make you change your mind. That’s okay. I never really deserved your love anyway.”

“Dean, shut up.” Dean blinked in surprise. “I never stopped loving you. That’s why I left. I couldn’t be around you knowing that you could barely look at me. It hurt too much. Being away from you hurt even more, but I thought it would be better in the long run.”

“You still love me?”

“Of course, Dean.” Once again, Dean was crying, but this time it was out of relief.

“I love you, too, Cas. And I’m sorry I ever made you feel like I didn’t.” Cas moved his hand to cover Dean’s.

“You asked what was real and I told you we are. I meant it.”

“I know we’re not okay. Far from it, but are we good for the moment?”

“I suppose.” Dean smiled.

“Good.” He turned his hand over to hold Cas’s as he felt himself drift off the sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you all enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it


End file.
